The Incident Involving Two Idiots
by vez
Summary: Title up for various interpretations :) Sanzo and Hakkai in a room. Together. Alone. Submitted for Sariyuki's 838 Incidents Challenge.


The Incident Involving Two Idiots

By vez

It was not within his flamboyant and exhibitionist nature to sit in the dark corners while waiting. Gojyo was used to being in the middle of things. He was born to be the centre of everyone's attention. It did not matter what particular attention it was. Attention was attention in his not so humble opinion.

Yet here he was, stuck sitting in the dark corner of the inn, hoping this time _not_ to attract any unwanted attention. Dark corners were needed for dark deeds. Heh.  It wasn't so bad sitting alone in the quiet dark. Besides, he wasn't alone. He had his pack of smokes. Thank the gods for the invention of cigarettes. Without them, he would probably have died of boredom. Either that or suffer from an anxiety attack. As he inhaled a breath, he had to admit that enjoying a smoke was really one of the more relaxing activities to indulge in. _When you're smoking, you bother no one, and no one bothers you. Besides, smoking gives you an excuse to observe others without their knowledge. _

He really needed to relax. Gojyo was aware, no matter how relaxed the posture he seemed to adopt, he was all jittery. While one hand was busy holding the cigarette, the other hand was toying with a little rectangular gold card. Tap. Tap. Tap. The gold card went as its side methodically hit the table top.

Dammit, he hated waiting! Where was that darn monkey?

"Boo!"

Gojyo actually felt his heart leap to his throat. With a growl, he grabbed Goku by his collar and yanked _hard_.  

"Itai! Put me down ero kappa!!"

"Saru, what part of we must be quiet don't cha understand? Never mind, did you get everything done?"

"I was being quiet. Not my fault you're easily spooked. Everything done as planned. The sleeping drug we slipped in their food worked. They didn't hear me come in."

Goku then proceeded to dump two things on the table. Sanzo's revolver and the Sutra.

Gojyo breathed a sigh of relief. Mission accomplished. It was tough trying to decide how much of the drug to put into Sanzo and Hakkai's food and drinks. Too much, and both of them would get suspicious. No matter how much the apothecary assured them that the potion was tasteless and had no scent, Gojyo knew better than to underestimate the senses of a youkai and a Sanzo. Of course, too little of the drug would be useless. Gojyo and Goku needed the both of them to be totally unconscious for the next phase of the plan.

Now that Goku has fixed everything up, everything has fallen into place.

_All we have to do is wait and see…_Gojyo leaned against the chair and put his hands behind his head. He put his feet on the table, all traces of anxiety gone. Nothing but a contented smirk on his face was seen.

The next morning:

Hakkai woke up with a horrible dry feeling in his mouth. For some reason, he felt strangely off kilter. Maybe it was due to the headache he was experiencing but some intuition was telling him that something was very, very wrong. A glance outside the window confirmed it.

What greeted him was not the morning rays of dawn; rather it was the searing heat of mid morning. He had overslept! The brunette frowned. It wasn't possible for him to oversleep. Even if he did, the rest would have woken him up for breakfast. Surely Sanzo would have done … he paused as he spied a still-sleeping-lump on the other bed.

"Sanzo?"

When he didn't get a response, Hakkai ventured closer to prod the sleeping monk.

"Sanzo, wake up. I think we've been drugged."

And with those magic words, Sanzo's eyes flew open as he glared at Hakkai. "What?!"

"We overslept. Seeing as Gojyo and Goku have yet to wake us up means that they have been drugged too. Maybe it's one of Kougaji's schemes."

While Hakkai was outlining his theory, Sanzo was already out of bed and was putting on his robe. Suddenly he stopped and stood stock still.  

"My card, my gun, my sutra. They're gone."

It was useless trying to figure out how Sanzo knew those items were missing. If he said they were gone, they were gone. Two pairs of eyes met in unspoken horror and panic. Then abruptly, the set of emerald eyes shifted their attention elsewhere.

Sanzo had to work hard to squash his disappointment. He liked being the centre of Hakkai's attention. Before his mind could analyze that particular thought further, his eyes followed Hakkai's line of sight. Could this day be any stranger? Sanzo couldn't help wondering how in the hell both of them could have _not _noticed it. He had to ask.

"Hakkai, why are there a vase of roses on the table?"

The man in question simply shook his head and laughed. Clearly, the tense atmosphere of fear and panic had dissipated. This definitely was not a Kougaji operation or anything sinister. This was something … else entirely. Hakkai walked towards the table and scrutinized it. The table was positioned to the side of the room, so both of them wouldn't see it immediately when they woke up. The table wasn't there last night and the roses too. So someone went to all the trouble to break in to do what exactly?

Hakkai was getting more confused by the moment. Thankfully his confusion was replaced by relief as he saw a card tucked neatly underneath the vase of roses. Finally, they're going to get answers. He gingerly extracted the card and began to read it out loud. With every word his heart began to sink.

_" Dear Sanzo and Hakkai,_

_   We are sick of both of you acting like two lovesick idiots. It's disgusting watching you pretending not to look at each other all the time. And when you are looking at each other, it's like you're eye-fucking!  Lucky for you we're such caring and generous friends. You guys have the whole day to yourselves and the privacy of your own rooms to do whatever you like. Note that the doors and windows are locked and any attempts to leave the room will result in unpleasant consequences. Just to remind you that we have the gold card, the gun and the Sutra. We are also nice enough to leave you supplies in the bathroom. Enjoy! _

_Ja ne,_

_Gojyo and Goku"_

 For exactly eleven seconds (Hakkai counted), no one did anything except breathe. Yes, breathing was good. In. Out. Breathing doesn't require one to think. Hakkai was fully aware that he was in a state of shock. A whole day to spend alone with Sanzo? With 'supplies'? Dear Gods.

While Hakkai was busy hyperventilating, Sanzo was thinking of ways he could make those two idiots suffer for eternity. It wasn't enough to kill them or maim them. No, he had to make them beg for forgiveness. He had to do something really, really nasty. But that was for later. Now he had a nervous youkai to calm down.

"Hakkai? Hakkai! You need to breathe. I swear your face is getting red. Sit down will you?"

It didn't occur to Sanzo that a) he was sitting on the bed and b) that Hakkai would choose of all places, to sit beside him on the said bed.

Sanzo groaned mentally. Not that he could blame Hakkai. Both of them weren't exactly in full possession of their faculties. Who would have thought those two idiots would have had the brains and guts to pull something like this off?

Beside him, Hakkai cleared his throat and grinned wryly and his fellow victim. "Umm, I suppose you don't want to find out what exactly they left us in the bathroom?"

"My only thought at the moment is to take that vase and break it on the bakas heads."

"That's pretty mild, don't you think Sanzo? I was thinking after we get out of this room, we'd lock them up instead. With no food and no cigarettes."

Ah, Hakkai's sadistic streak is coming out. A man after his own heart. " Che. No beds or pillows. They'd have to sleep on the cold, hard floor."

Hakkai couldn't help but laugh at Sanzo's suggestion. This was fun. Albeit a different type of fun but fun nonetheless. He really did enjoy spending time with the monk. This wasn't so bad after all.

As they continued their game of how best to make their team mates suffer, they failed to notice their bodies inching closer to each other until their thighs and legs touched. So absorbed in their game and so comfortable in their own company, they also failed to notice that they could feel each other's warmth and body heat.

They were lost in their own little world, oblivious to everything else. Well, everything except for how captivating each other's eyes were.

_Author's note: I'm so glad I finished this. My muse has been bugging me to get this story written down and posted. Just wanted to say that this fic is highly experimental. Completely unlike my usual writing style. So, if you liked it, please review it_!


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